No, you can’t be a Samurai!

Written by Spencer Harrington

Having lived in Tokyo, Japan for just over a year now I could tell I was starting to get immune to some of the sights, sounds and ideas that make this place the mind-altering hub of activity that it is. Life was beginning to feel routine and trying to survive was starting to outweigh the appreciation and inspiration of everyday life here in this city I now call home.

The myths I had heard about Tokyo and Japan had pretty much been verified or disproven and I was becoming gradually unaware of what was normal behaviour and what was fake or ridiculous. Was I turning Japanese?

Perhaps, but that was until I had two good mates visit me from the Land of the Long White Cloud, bringing with them the crazy stories and ideas that I once had of this country.  For those nine days I was transported back to being a fresh new Gaijin (foreigner) face in central Tokyo again.  I became a guide intent on giving these guys memories of the REAL Japan. It made me realise that unless people come here themselves, they will never really know what it is like to spend crazy amounts of dosh in the clubbing district of Roppongi, be up at 4am to check out the crazy hustle, bustle, sights and SMELLS of the Tsukiji Fish Market or stroll the eye-opening streets of Shinjuku’s red light district, Kabuki-cho.

For this column, I thought I would explore some of the myths and preconceptions surrounding Japan and put a few people straight, once and for all. But I must admit, some of the most amazing things I have seen here, I just can’t describe in words, you’ll have to come and see them for yourself...

No, you can not find vending machines selling used panties around this city.

Yes, there was a time when used panties and other weird fetishist offerings were available through vending machines, but in 2010, people seem to have different priorities...and standards. Although…

Random Fact: Tokyo has approximately 400,000 vending machines, making it the highest concentration of these units in the world, one for every 20 people! But these are usually selling canned coffee and tea, hot and cold, as well as chocolate, snacks and even hot meals. Cigarette machines also litter the streets and at around $4.5o - $6.oo a pack they would please any smoker. A bit harder to find but still present are the beer vending machines. Selling cans from 333ml all the way to 2lt! I’ve also heard that there are machines that sell business suits, socks, software, goldfish, and a few years ago in Osaka there was even a ‘Magic Mushies’ dispenser...now that’s an additional dimension to taking a trip!

No, Geishas do not walk the streets ready to take photos with any snap-happy foreigner and you can’t go to a school and train to be a Samurai. Not much is left of the old Japan here in Tokyo now.  Over 70% of Tokyo’s buildings were destroyed in the air raids of WWII and by the mass construction of modern skyscrapers, office buildings and other large complexes in the ‘bubble years’ of the 70‘s and 80‘s. To see a glimpse of that time through the practice of Geisha isn`t going to happen in Tokyo. You would have to head to the more historical towns of Japan to see this tradition practised in the 21st century. Most Geisha are found in the west, Kyoto or Nara are your best bet but only the locals are likely to be aware of the areas and places that it is still practised.

Samurai are a thing of the past. Or at least the real Samurai of the Edo era and centuries before, those warriors who had endless endurance and total self-control, spoke only the truth and displayed no emotion. Unfortunately the only places you can find Samurai and related artefacts now are museums and historic sights around Japan.

You will be able to survive on your English. If you have heard that and learnt absolutely no Japanese words or phrases then...no freakin’ way! Countries like India and even parts of Africa and the middle East are bi-lingual, making it easier for a traveller to navigate and do the daily things we take for granted. But in this international hub we call Tokyo, you are hard pressed to find anyone who can understand you, let alone answer your requests or queries. Although English is taught at schools through most of Junior and Senior high schools, people don’t really have a need to learn it. The majority of the Japanese people you do find who speak English are the people who have left the country and have spent time abroad.

Areas like Shibuya, Shinjuku and other busy parts of Tokyo will have some stores and cafes with English speaking staff but the further you head out from the city centres, the harder it is to find that assistance. Most of the street signs and maps have some English translations or even Romaji (Japanese language written in the English alphabet).  Stores and advertising slogans may sometimes include English but more for the novelty reasons, made evident with the not-quite correct sentences and the truly funny translations, for example, a new cola drink called green cola, tastes great but "is made from selected raw materials derived from plants such as fruits, with colas own dynamism and briskness".

Everyone eats sushi and drinks sake. This is definitely untrue and upon arriving here, I found out that the Japanese are masters of cuisine, with local dishes and delicacies for all taste experiences. In fact, sushi isn`t eaten much at all and you’re more likely to find premade packs in the Convenience store than at top restaurants. Things like Japanese curry, ramen (large noodle bowls) and donburi (meat and rice bowls) are great dishes that are distinctly Japanese and are very popular with locals and foreigners alike. Tonkatsu and seafood tempura are a tasty local take on fried and crumbed morsels.

Going to an Okonomiyaki or Yaki-Niku restaurant is an amazing experience, with the do-it-yourself hotplate built into the table or on an indoor BBQ respectively, plus many more things that you won’t find anywhere else in the world.

Although they do drink sake quite frequently, the Japanese love their beer and personally I think they make some of the best lager in the world. Just watch out because the hangovers can be equally impressive!

They Love their Sumo. During one of the four Annual National Tournaments, Sumo is a popular spectator sport, and occupies the T.V. and news for the week or two it is being held, but apart from that, it’s not around much at all. Baseball I would consider more of a Japanese national sport and from April until October it takes over the nation. Sports bars show nothing but the local and MLB season, and people with Tokyo Giants or Yakult Swallows jerseys dot the streets. Going to a live game takes the idea of spectator sports to a new level; it’s hard to describe the energy, dedication and involvement of the crowds. Ichiro Suzuki is a big hitter for the Seattle Mariners and continually gets attention here and in America for his amazing skill and batting average, and with Japan having won the World Baseball Championships at the last two competitions it really shows that they know what they are doing.

You are a giant in this country. As far as the average Japanese person, yes. At 6 ft I seem to be bigger than the usual bunch. This can be useful when crossing a busy intersection as I can see over the sea of heads and occasionally I have to duck slightly at an entranceway or older structure like the gates of a shrine, and once I even had to duck to get into an elevator, an interesting “Being John Malkovich” experience. This same phenomenon transfers to the clothing industry. Don’t expect to get the latest Tokyo edition Adidas or Converse in your size or find an ‘L’ size of that dope shirt you just spotted. Trying to find a pair of size 13 shoes at any store was an epic search. But to be honest, on an everyday basis I am walking amongst Japanese people just as tall as me, if not taller, and every modern construction is built for all sizes. A lot of the time it goes unnoticed...unless you’re my 6.5ft Canadian friend.

I too had a few false ideas about this place. I thought ‘boy racers’ would be cruising the streets, with people driving flashy Japanese sports cars and street bikes. But this definitely isn`t the case; I can say I would spot more cruising the streets of Auckland in one day, then I would for a month in downtown Tokyo. European cars like BMW, Mercedes, and Porsche dominate the roads and you’re more likely to see a classic American muscle car then a RX-7.

Also, I thought that electronics here would be cheap as chips, and that cameras, ipods, and computers would be a dime a dozen; another myth. Almost all types of electronic devices cost relatively the same as back home, but for that same price you are getting the ‘top of the range’ 2011 model with all the bells and whistles; the Japanese don’t seem to ever have a ‘basic’ model for anything.

And lastly, I didn’t picture Tokyo as an artistic city. Looking from the outside in I thought it would be predominantly a place for economics, banking and I.T. but as I mentioned in my previous columns, this place is rich with art, music and dance.  Big parts of their culture, whole areas are dedicated to these disciplines.  Japan historically and presently thrives on artistic ideas and beauty, on sights, sounds, tastes and smells, on the crazy and the absurd, on energy and positive vibes...and I like it.